Business as Usual

So I went on vacation last weekend....to Iowa. AND IT WAS AWESOME! I'm not going to lie, there's jack shit to do in Iowa especially in Cantril where my relatives live. I just needed a break. Not so much due to the break up, but I literally haven't had a break from life since Fall of 2009.

Mostly We (my parents came too) just sat and hung out with my Aunt and Uncle. Saturday we did go see a few "sites." There was a park I always used to go to when I was younger right outside the nursing home where both my Great Grandparents ended up. And on the way there we stopped for wine tasting and then drove through camp grounds/state park. The was a ginormous slide that didn't seem as ginormous now that I'm almost 30 and but I got just as much of a thrill from it, and then I got motion sickness from going on the swing. Fun Times though.

Now I'm back to the real world and am realizing how much I need a change. I've gone on record many times saying that I do have good jobs for good companies, but I really want to cook in some capacity. So I think that's my goal for the moment.

Likewise, I feel like I'm in a rut and being single allows me to look into the possibility of moving to another city. I don't feel like I'm being held back. And believe me, despite what the Ex said I DID feel like I was being held back from ever considering moving. At the same time, I think I secretly do love Grand Rapids and want to end up back here if I were to move away (well unless I ended up in NYC, San Francisco or Chicago....but two out of three of those can't really happen).

So I don't know whats going to happen. I think I've done a pretty good job of pulling my emotions back together and to go back to "business as usual." Or as usual as I'm going to get. I'm never going to go back to what business as usual was before I was in a relationship. I've changed and learned so much since then that "normal" for me is different what it was. And frankly I like it.

I've come to quite a few affirming realizations about things lately and it totally changes my view points on life and myself. I have no place to go but up right now and if it's a journey I have to take by myself then hooray for me I suppose!

Timmy in a Relationship??

So....I'm kinda scared right now.

Actually lets rewind slightly. Like I mentioned in my last post, I've started seeing a girl lately. For those of you who aren't familiar with me, lets just say I havn't had the best luck with girls in the past, so my basic outlook into dating the one I am now was to not have any expectations and to just take it as it comes, so I did. And its going pretty good.

We had the impecable luck to start dating a few weeks before Valentines Day. Partially because I had to work at San Chez and partially cause neither of us wanted a "Valentines" date, we didn't make formal plans. I ended up going to hang out with relatives after work and she ended up going out with a friend. Fast forward to about 10pm at night she started texting me. When I left I texted to see what they were up to and she said she thought they were going home. About 20 min later when I made it home she texted again wondering if I wanted to meet them at the bar they were headed to and so I did. I went, we talked, I met her friend and some guy that I guess liked her friend (he was pretty drunk though). Later after a few beers we both went up to pay our tabs and started talking by the bar. At some point my hand brushed hers and we ended up holding hands (yeah, I feel like I should be 17 telling this story) and talked some more.

After a while we went back to the table. We all talked for a little, her friend warded off advances from drunk guy and then they called a cab. At which point I went for it and kissed her. And it was fun....up until some guy made a smart ass comment and ruined the mood. ha.

Since then we've hung out pretty regularly. And yes theres been more kissing. And I suppose we're "unofficially" officially in a relationship. And thats what scares me because I've never been in one before. As far as relationships go its kind of unorthodox. Most of our "dates" we've gone dutch because both of us are tight on cash. Last week it was pretty much me hanging out while she did homework at school (and then at my apartment).

We love hanging out with each other, this post is making me realize how much I miss her at the moment. I feel like the luckiest person alive that I get to hang out with someone I relate to so well and who I can feel like I can talk about anything with. And I'm scared that at some point I may do something to screw it all up.

I don't think I actually will. But this is a new experience for me, one that I really like and don't want to fail it. Its natural to be scared. When it comes to being scared about this I like to tell myself a story.

Once upon a time I use to be scared of roller coasters. Especially those that went upside down. Then one day back when I lived in Lansing we all went to Cedar Point. My friends made me go on the Raptor. I was scared, but went anyway. And IT KICKED ASS! Moral of the story: Sometimes you have to say "fuck it," face your fears, and it will be fun.

I'm alive!!

I don't know if anybody reads this. If so they've probably thought I've abandoned it. ha.

Not much exciting has gone on lately school wise....or work wise.

I'm just taking lecture classes right now so theres not much worth writing about as the classes aren't even that exciting. Thursday though, I start the next 7 weeks classes. I will be beginning the intense and difficuly yet VERY educational class that is Advanced Food Production. The cooking lab to end all cooking labs at GRCC. They're technically the "BOH" at the night time Heritage. Everyone who I know who has taken the class has pretty much said the same thing. "Its hard. Its intense. You learn alot. And the worst thing you can do is worry too much about it."

So we'll see.

Next week is our spring break. The 6th-8th I'm heading up to Petosky to check out Walloon Lake and Bay Harbor. I think I may actually be staging at Bay Harbor. In the Culinary industry a "stage" is when you actually go work in the kitchen so the chef can acces your skills and see how you get along with everybody. Fun fun. More on that when it happens.

Social wise, things have been getting interesting. About a week and a half ago I went to the BOB. A typical guys night out with me, Zigs, Boersma, Luvva, and Lambers. We made our way down to the nightclub. Like always I was trashed, and like always I made my round on the dance floor. Well things happend, I started dancing with a girl. I have no clue what I said, but I ended up making out with her. Yes, you read that right....this self declared introvert who is socially awkward and nervous around girls, somehow made out with one. So that was fun. I got her number and called her but havn't heard back from her.

Upon telling the story to Jonny he made the great comment of "Its always a good thing when you make out with a girl and don't have to hang out with her afterwards." And THAT my friends is why he's a keeper. Well that and the fact that he was the first person to get me drunk and introduced me to jagermeister

Fast forward to this past Thursday, we went out for Gina's b-day (oh yeah, despite the earlier claim, Zigs and her are back together). We eventually made our way to Taps. I got drunk. (surprise, surprise) and I ended up dancing with a girl. We talked some, I snuck a kiss (no makng out though) and I got her number.

Needless to say I'm kind of on a mental high right now. I think I've somewhat learned that the more you put yourself out there and attempt to talk to girls that the more chance you have of meeting one. Even if it means getting shot down 10 million times.

So theres a new law for Timmy "Try your best to talk to girl. Stop being a pansy"

That is all

The Next Stage

I. R.I.P.

So I did it, I finally killed my Ipod. Anyone who has hung out with me for any amount of time knows I probably don't take the best care of my electronics. I mean, I bought an almost $200 camera and then the first time I took it out dropped it. And likewise I havn't been too keen on not dropping my Ipod. Actually it still works just fine, but the screen is all fucked up. So who knows, I'll stop by the apple store tomorrow to see how much it will cost. Unfortunately I reall can't afford much more than 50 or so bucks for repair (and THAT was actually supposed to be my beer money for the weekend

II. School

Classes are going well. This seven weeks I have the Intro to Hospitality course, a course that you're supposed to take first (which I didn't), Spanish for the Hospitality Industry (Which is something that may help me in the long run) and then English (which lasts all semester). In the grand scheme of things they aren't too exciting BUT, I am learning interesting stuff.

On an even more interesting note I had 3 interviews about possible summer internships. The first place is Bay Harbor Yacht Club, the second was Walloon Lake Contry Club and the third is Glendevon's restaurant. The first two are up by Petosky and the third is here in GR. I thought I did good at expressing myself, and my history and my strengths and weakness'. So who knows, I sent each of the chefs a quick email saying I enjoyed talking to them and thanking them for the interview. So we'll see.

I really like Walloon Lake. I thought the area was someplace I could fit well, and the job sounded like something I could enjoy. Likewise, Glendevon's is a place that would seem preferable. Not only is it in GR which would mean I wouldn't have to move. But it could possibly evolve into an actuall job. And the had a similar veiwpoint that I do about serving simple food that tastes good.

III. Work

Well....not much new on this front. I've become lazy about job hunting. I think part of it may be that once the second 7 weeks comes around that my schedule will be WAY more crazy.

Regardless, things at the Square are going good. I'm mostly just working mornings. Which kind of sucks cause I can't really sleep in. But oh well. It happens.

I.V. Social life

My social life is kind of FUBAR. I WANT to go out. But I can't afford to alot. And I have 10 million people wanting to do things. I am attempting to go on a psudeo date with a friend of a friend. I have Nicoles birthday, The Derby Awards banquet, and a few other things going on. Luckily if the girl I'm trying to hang out with and I work something out it will be Friday. I'm probably going to become public enemy #1 if I say this, but I'm almost tempted to skip the awards banquet. In the grand scheme of things I think I'd have more fun sledding. Theres a part of me that would enjoy the simple pleasure that sledding would provide. On the flip side I have already comitted to going to the GRRG banquet. And there are a bunch of the derby folk I want to see. I don't know. I kind of feel myself being dragged from both ends.

I'm at this point socialy and mentally where I almost have to do what is best for me. Being the nice guy and all is fun, but sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand. I admit I'm not the most out going guy and that sometimes I bring the lack of communication on myself. But I can't just sit here spendng every waking hour trying to fix it. I have to do what I can and move on (thus another reason for wanting to go hang out with Nicole and the TSM/Beat-Ups/Dynaflo crew). Cause god knows once summer hits, regardless of if I get an internship or not, I'm gonna have to bust a move on my education. IF I don't get an internship my goal for being done is Dec 2009. But regardless of when I graduate, my goal is to get the hell away from Michigan.

Decisions, Decisions.

Winter Vacation?

So THIS is what it feels like to relax. After going from Mid July to late September without and job and then transitioning transitioning to having to rush around balancing work and school. Its nice to just be able to do nothing for a few weeks.

My written exams were so-so. Actually I did quite well on my Princples exam. Better than I thought I would. I credit it to the fact that I got my head out of my ass pretty early on and asked Chef Angus for some advice and guidance as to what to do. Like I said in an earlier blog, I think the lingering self doubt I sometimes have is what got me the first time through so I was glad to beat that this time. And with that in mind I'm pretty sure I did pretty crappy on my Banquets exam. I knew going into the exam that I had a low B. So part of me wasn't worried. Call me not dedicated enough, and give me all the crap you want for settling for JUST a B. But hell, its better than "settling" for C's and D's like in high school. Oh well.

The presentation I had to do for Principles went as well as you would expect from me. Which means, mass amounts of nervousness, mass amounts of rushing around finishing it and then an "oh fuck it, lets just do it" attitude about 2 seconds before. But I did GREAT. Not any of the stuttering or flusterness I'm known for when I get nervous. I made my points well. Chef Angus loved it. The one person from my class who I ran into a few days later loved it, it went great.

Friday after the catastrophe that was my exam, I went to the bar with some of the people from school....at like 5:30 at night. And this was one of those bars that was also a restaurant. So let me lay it out for you. 15 or so people between the ages of 21-40 + end of the semester + total end of school for some of them + some of them moving away + oh, the fact that you have culinary students who could regularly fill up a swear jar while SOBER = a recipe for trouble. ha. I had actually caught up to them after they had been there for an hour or so and promptly ordered a hamburger (btw, The Cottage Bar KINDA knows how to make Medium Rare). A bunch of them had had a shot just before I got there and then had another one after I had been there 10 minutes. Then someone may have dropped the f-bomb. And there was a family next to us who didn't really like that. And doing what I do best, I was like "screw it" and just ate my hamburger. Eventually they moved. I suppose I should feel kind of bad. But thats life. The other people around us loved us though, so I think it evens it out.

After we kindly and subtley got pressured to leave some of us met up with a few other people at another bar and the drinking continued. Although then I had to be lame and go pick up my sister from the airport. But I think I learned something that night. That I totally should've started hanging out with Culinary folk sooner. It was nice to hang out with people I felt comfortable with and could be myself with. I havn't had enough of that lately other than hanging with Zigs and G-Spot. And furthermore, being done with the semester and the feel good feeling I have from it REALLY reafrirmed my decision to go back to culinary school. While I've come to the conclusion that I may not become the best cook out there, I HAVE regained a sense of direction and idea of where to go in life.

In other news:

~ I have a fan (or fans). Today at work Peter brought up that he had read my blog and saw what I wrote. And to clear the air, he IS African American. In my defense I had worked with someone as dark as him who had a similar accent and was from Central or South America. But oh well. He gave me some good natured ribbing about it but said he didn't mind.

~Still kind of in limbo with work. I'm waiting to see what my schedule will get switched to once I move back to only night availiability. Should be interesting to see

~ I made stock and then Mushroom soup from the Les Halles cook book. Good shit, I took pictures they'll be up soon.

We now interupt this food related blog to show you that yes I DO have non-food related intrests

So up there in the little blurb under the name of the blog I mention I statskeep for the local roller derby leage, The Grand Raggidy Roller Girls. On top of that I also help the Kalamazoo Derby Dames. I've been doing that a little over two years.

I got involved partially due to watching the short lived series "Rollergirls," but mostly because New Holland Brewing Co, which is where I worked at the time, was one of their sponsers and I went to a bout, got addicted, but also found out that my short attention span when it comes to sports made it hard to watch. So I ended up volunteering and they havn't gotten rid of me since. ha.

At first it was something I just did for fun and to have a chance to meet more people in GR. I was at the cusp of FINALLY moving to GR and wanted to meet more people from the town. But now, I've learned to love the sport itself, and my responsibilites to the point where my cynic nature and my bluntness (I blame the aspergers) gets me in trouble if I point out things too bluntly (I like to call it tough love).

I'm mostly a scorekeeper. Pretty much my invovlement consists of being a hermit from everyone for a month, showing up about an hour and a half before the bout starts (when most volunteers are there for another hour before that), occasionally downing a beer or two (which I'm not really supposed to be doing...but I stand by the fact that it doesn't affect what I do), doing my job, then running off to the afterparty and making a drunkien a-hole of myself.

Despite the fact I don't make many non-bouts appearances, I always do like to remind myself (and others) that the derby folk are almost like a second family with me. Not counting the Calvin folk (Zigs, Boersma etc etc), or APD or Dynalo, pretty much everyone I know in GR I met through derby. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be who I was today if it wasn't for derby. Actually, I might be, but I wouldn't know as many of the same people. Last spring I got voted "Number 1 fan" and my reply was "what the hell for?" Despite my sarcastic assesment of what I do, I don't do it because I'm a fan. I mean I am a fan, but for me, my dedication is mostly because I love everyone involved to death and have fun doing it. The minute it stops being fun for me, is the minute I leave. And despite previous statements I may have made, I don't do it for recognizement (although it would've been damn funny/cool to win the "honorary Derby girl" award).

I guess the point of this blog is kind of a tribute to them. And a thanks to nobody in paticular for making it such a wonderful experience. For putting up with all my cynical comments, and my drunken tomfoolery. And a special thanks to those who I have become super close friends with.

~Tim aka The Jager Bomber.