So....I'm kinda scared right now.
Actually lets rewind slightly. Like I mentioned in my last post, I've started seeing a girl lately. For those of you who aren't familiar with me, lets just say I havn't had the best luck with girls in the past, so my basic outlook into dating the one I am now was to not have any expectations and to just take it as it comes, so I did. And its going pretty good.
We had the impecable luck to start dating a few weeks before Valentines Day. Partially because I had to work at San Chez and partially cause neither of us wanted a "Valentines" date, we didn't make formal plans. I ended up going to hang out with relatives after work and she ended up going out with a friend. Fast forward to about 10pm at night she started texting me. When I left I texted to see what they were up to and she said she thought they were going home. About 20 min later when I made it home she texted again wondering if I wanted to meet them at the bar they were headed to and so I did. I went, we talked, I met her friend and some guy that I guess liked her friend (he was pretty drunk though). Later after a few beers we both went up to pay our tabs and started talking by the bar. At some point my hand brushed hers and we ended up holding hands (yeah, I feel like I should be 17 telling this story) and talked some more.
After a while we went back to the table. We all talked for a little, her friend warded off advances from drunk guy and then they called a cab. At which point I went for it and kissed her. And it was fun....up until some guy made a smart ass comment and ruined the mood. ha.
Since then we've hung out pretty regularly. And yes theres been more kissing. And I suppose we're "unofficially" officially in a relationship. And thats what scares me because I've never been in one before. As far as relationships go its kind of unorthodox. Most of our "dates" we've gone dutch because both of us are tight on cash. Last week it was pretty much me hanging out while she did homework at school (and then at my apartment).
We love hanging out with each other, this post is making me realize how much I miss her at the moment. I feel like the luckiest person alive that I get to hang out with someone I relate to so well and who I can feel like I can talk about anything with. And I'm scared that at some point I may do something to screw it all up.
I don't think I actually will. But this is a new experience for me, one that I really like and don't want to fail it. Its natural to be scared. When it comes to being scared about this I like to tell myself a story.
Once upon a time I use to be scared of roller coasters. Especially those that went upside down. Then one day back when I lived in Lansing we all went to Cedar Point. My friends made me go on the Raptor. I was scared, but went anyway. And IT KICKED ASS! Moral of the story: Sometimes you have to say "fuck it," face your fears, and it will be fun.
Freak Out Friday – July 20, 2018
10 hours ago