Moving on

My room is a mess right now. Actually that's not much of a surprise because as my former roomate can attest to, my room is ALWAYS a mess. This mess is different though, the current mess was created one of the last times I talked to the (now ex) girlfriend. It was the monday before she broke up to me and we were chatting on IM. She had claimed to have a migraine and alot on her mind and was cleaning her room to help her think. I knew that the two of those combined often made her mopey so I expressed concern at which point she said not to worry and to not be bummed.

Yeah look how that turned out. bleh. At this point there's zero chance of us getting back together let alone even talking to each other. Feelings were hurt, things were said and now neither of us like each other. It sucks and I wish it didn't end like that. But it is what it is I suppose. I'd like to say that I feel bad that it went from simply adoring each other to disdaining each other in about 2 weeks. But then I remember that it was something she had been thinking about for a while. i think thats the one thing I can't get over. And I can't let myself get consumed by that because I don't want to sit her questioning the last month or so of our relationship

Another kick in the gut is the diassembly of Steam Pig. Steam Pig was an exhibit for Art Prize that was right out side the B.O.B in Grand Rapids. Last year for Artprize the Ex, her friend and I went exploring and her friend and I fell in love with it and Steam Pig came a reocurring subject the rest of our relationship. At first I thought I would be sad everytime I past it, but at the same time its a good memory of our relationship. I have gifts from her that are good memories. I don't just want to throw them all away. I wanted it to stay there because it would be a reminder to both of us of the good parts of our relationship; and to be frank I also was slightly glad that when/if she walked past it would be a glaring reminder of me. But alas, the BOB has expansion plans and The Steam Pig won't fit where it is. Much like our relationship I guess its the end of an era.

The past two or so weeks I've come to learn a bunch of things about myself. I've come to accept some of my insecurities and fears. I still stand by the fact that they contributed to some of my failings in the relationship. I've discovered just how much my friends and family love me. I mean I guess I knew that before, but EVERYBODY has been going out of their way to see how I'm doing and in light of losing that type of emotional support after the breakup, its nice to have people to talk to. I've rediscovered the joy of guys night (especially now that Zigs and I are back to being the bachelors). If the relationship and the resulting breakup was a roundabout way of learning these lessons then I suppose I have to accept that. I HATE that we had to break up but it is what it is.

Letting go really sucks. I have to let go of everything, the hurt feelings, any hope of being in a relationship, wanting to see her smile.....everything, before I can totally be over her. I don't know if I can ever do that. But I just have to keep moving forward and try my best.

On hold!

So I guess what I have jokingly called "Operation: Less talk, more doing" is on hold for a bit. A few of the things I was trying to get around to doing involved certain things I wanted to do with my girlfriend. Only she's not my girlfriend anymore.

I owe it to her not to rant or vent at all on the internet. There's some sadness and disappointment I have to deal with first before I can fully process what happend. I don't know what I'm going to do about any of it. I want to try to work things out if possible, BUT I don't want to get hopes up too much.

So yeah, I know most the people who read this probably got an idea of what happened on facebook-land. I know she knows about this blog so thats also why I'm not going to vent or anything.

Oh well

My monthly update

I've now been unemployed for two months. Its slowly starting to be at the point where I'm going to beat my record for the longest I've been unemployed. Not counting my first year in college. the longest I've been with about a job is about 2 and a half months in 2008. It was my first attempt at "re-introducing" myself back into the restaurant world. I ended up getting a job at a restaurant that was in the process of opening and the chef had pretty much gone the route of over-hiring and seemingly just randomly grabbing the first resume/application off the pile and hiring the person. Then without really giving much direction he kind of just threw people into the fire. My duration there lasted about a month. Looking back I totally admit I was probably in over my head and as such it was a learning experience for me.

One thing I've noticed about being unemployed is how boring it is. Everyone and their brother always seems to bitch and complain about work and how they wish they didn't have to work so much but I don't seem to be like that at all. Don't get me wrong I'm FAR from being a work-aholic but I can't do the whole note working thing. The first month or so I could still afford to go out and do stuff regularly with the girlfriend and then with my cousins when they were around (which in restrospect is probably why I'm so tight on cash now...oops) but even then I was bored without working. I need something to keep my mind more occupied than it is right now.

The bright side to the whole job searching thing is that I've had a few interviews lately (and have another one on Monday). Its gotten to the point where I'm having to apply at a few non-restaurant places. I applied for the Seafood clerk position at a grocery store and then I applied for the stocking postion at Target. I actually wouldn't be too opposed to working at Target because it means a discount for me when buying clothes, movies/cd/video games and/or cooking stuff. haha

Speaking of which I have been keeping myself busy cooking at home. Most days I seem to pull something out of my ass with what my parents have at the house but I have also been making stuff from the slew of cookbooks I have. The highlight of the "meals from cookbooks" for me was making fried chicken for my parents and the girlfriend. I LOVE fried chicken and the thought of possibly being able to eat alot of it this summer is kind of a draw to go back to LHC. Also I made a pretty good Guinness and Cheddar soup (with bacon of course). So at least I'm able to inspire myself a bit that way.

So yeah, I suppose thats life in a nutshell. Nothing else exciting to say really. haha

A Start of a New Year

So my prediction that I'd have a new job in a month was wrong. Here we are a month and 4 days later and I'm still looking. Obviously the job at the Brewery didn't happen. Since then I've sent out numerous resumes and have had an interview at a bakery/cafe owned by someone my dad knows. Beyond that I suppose following up on resumes is in order.

I shamelessly admit I haven't been working on job hunting as hard as I could be. Frankly after not having a "day off" the last semester of school, then working like crazy all summer it was nice to have a bit of a break. I had relatives in town for Christmas so it was nice getting to hang out with them without having to balance a work schedule. Also with the girlfriend being on Christmas break for school it was nice being able to hang out with her pretty frequently. I got to meet the rest of her extended family (her parents are divorced and remarried so she has four families) and I survived my first Christmas having to figure out presents and did pretty good. In return I got a pretty badass gift from her. AN ICE CREAM MAKER!! Only its not in stock yet so I still have to wait an undetermined amount of time. haha.

In return I of course have to make her ice cream once I do get it. Maybe I'll use it as a chance to try out bacon or prosciutto ice cream.....oh wait she reads this. Never mind. Beyond that I've just been trying to cook more and more just for the fun of it. I suppose the joy of cooking is what its all about. I seemed to have amassed quite a collection of cookbooks and its nice to make things here and there. And who knows it may inspire me to improve on/create recipes of my own. Job or no job I think it would be cool to do a "pop-up" or underground dinner sometime. And failing that just getting a bunch of friends together for a dinner would be pretty awesome.

So life goes on. I'm still alive and ticking. A new year has started and I think I'm going to have a hell of a time enjoying it

Baby Steps

Back in August, roughly around the time I started sending out the batch of resumes that got me the job at Salt of the Earth I jokingly suggested that I wait till the end of October to look for a job.

The reasoning behind that was just wanting a break from life. At the time I was in at the tail end of working 9-10 hour days for 6 days a week for almost 3 months straight. Prior to that I unofficially didn't have ANY days off (the last semester of school I either worked, went to school or worked at my internship every day of the week). Likewise there were also numerous things I wanted to do. The first week or so back was the girlfriends birthday AND I got to meet her family, I wanted to hang out with friends I havn't seen in ages (and with the exception of my former roomate, our mutual friend Rob, my friends Lindsay and Patrick I STILL haven't seen a bunch of friends), and just for once I actually wanted to go to visit my sister in Colorado.

Obviously that didn't happen because I have a job and am busy with that. Ironically though quite a few places in Chicago that I was thinking about applying at (in other words I had resumes and cover letters printed out) have posted in various places that they're hiring. Go figure.

Would it be cool to possibily get jobs at those places?: Of course

Do I regret not sending resumes out?: No, as the saying goes a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush

Am I still going to try in the future?: Of course

But for now, I really am happy where I am. I cannot tell a lie though, a part of me would've loved to be back in GR, and there are a bunch of things I still need to work on getting better at at work; but I like the people I work with and I really am learning things.

And to be honest, I'd much rather stay in the area until I'm sure I'm cut out for restaurant cooking. In the past when I've talked to Chef Dunn (one of my teachers) he pointed out that some people just aren't up for being line cooks. And theres nothing wrong with that. In fact I don't really want to be a line cook my whole life. As much as it would rock to own my own restaurant, I'd be just as content having another food related job and just cooking for fun.

Once upon a time there was this girl I kinda sorta had a thing for. I never did grasp if she had a thing for me, but somehow we got to talking about the physical aspects of relationships. She pointed out that sometimes you have to take baby steps. And its something that even beyond the physical aspects of relationships applies to everything in life. Despite wanting to move away, I think figuring out my path in life is a bit more of a relevent goal.

At this point my baby steps could take me anywhere, and I'm ready so see where they go!

Life in a nutshell

I'm alive. On that note other than the girlfriend I'm not sure how many people read this....oh well.

Anyway, a few updates on how things are going.

- The new job is going great. I am working at a nice little restaurant called "Salt of the Earth" in Fennvile. I work the lunch shift, which pretty much entails setting up for lunch. Mostly working the pantry station (salads, cold sandwiches), and then cleaning up after lunch is done. Also I help here and there with prep and then help shape bread dough at the end of the shift. The people I work with are all pretty nice, The Executive chef and sous chef kick ass, and the food is pretty damn good. I'm planning on staying as long as they'll have me

- Much like other jobs there are some growing pains in terms of speed and organization, but unlike other places (*cough* Graydon's and Wildfire *cough*) I have a feeling that they will be patient with me to an extent. I just gotta start busting my butt some more and asking for help when needed

- Life living with the parents is good. Pretty much I have the basement to myself and took over the family room. I had what I jokingly refer to as a nest going. I watch TV on the couch (or on the floor) wrapped in a blanket, then have my computer on the coffee table and whatever books I'm reading on the floor. Currently my grandma is visiting but its all cleaned up. But I have a feeling it will be back soon. haha

- Things with the girlfriend are going good. For her birthday I took her to a restaurant called CityVu Bistro on top of CityFlats Hotel in Holland. Nice food there. Beyond that we've been trying to hang out once or twice a week and have been succeeding for the most part. It kinda sucks living 45 min drive apart, but thats life.

- I've been cooking more and more at home. I have about 25 or so cookbooks and finally have the money to affor groceries (or my parents money) to make stuff. I've been pumping out some pretty good food. One of these days I'll post pictures.

Thats the past month in a nutshell. I'm hoping to write more. I like writing and in light of the fact that I would like to write professionally (or at least semi-regularly), I want to get in the habit of writing more. So at the very least I'll write to stay in practice. If things up on here then hooray.

The Waiting game

I hate waiting. Don't get me wrong, I can be pretty patient when needs be (like waiting for an appointment, or for someone to pick me up); but I hate waiting when it comes to waiting in lines or waiting for something to happen.

The last couple of weeks of working at the club was horrible for the fact that I couldn't wait for it to end. I liked the work, and I liked the people I worked and lived with and for the most part I liked the area but the fact that I knew it was ending and just wanted it to get there so it would be over was annoying at hell.

Now I get to wait again to start my new job. I haven't decided if I'm going to disclose the name on the blog yet and I have yet to decide on a little "code name" for it. So for now its just "new job." I went down for an interview for it about 3 weeks before I finished at the club, I got offered the job about a week and a half later and I was supposed to start tomorrow. Only that didn't happen.

While napping today I got a phone call. I answered without really thinking about it and it was the "new job." For some reason or another the chef had me down for starting Friday and when I mentioned that it was supposed to be tomorrow he chalked it down to miscommunication or something. After getting that out of the way, he then pushed back my starting day to the 24th. So now I get to wait another 5 days. Which brings us back to the waiting game. Fun times

Other random thoughts that come to my mind:

The bright side of this all is that I'm taking the girlfriend (who is actually slightly amused that I keep referring to her as "the girlfriend") out for her birthday tomorrow so it actually gives me more time to take her out and do stuff with her. I still haven't decided where we're going. I was originally thinking about going someplace in Holland but since we have more time, I'm now contemplating maybe going to Grand Rapids. I guess I'll have to sleep on it.

Also I now have more time to work on some cooking projects. I decided about half way through the summer that I want to cook some things from the Momofuku cookbook (as well as other cookbooks). And it would be a sin NOT to start with the noodles. Only the broth for the noodles takes 7 hrs to make and that in itself is going to be a project. It will keep me busy, and assuming I do it right it will taste good. So its a win-win situation.

Finally I've had a hankering to resurrect (or I guess carry over from my myspace blog) one of my infamous picture blogs with some pictures from this summer. I probably won't post any pictures of people, but some of the food and sights and what not from this summer. Hmm...we'll see.

Looking Forward

So the other day someone pointed out that we passed the halfway point of the summer. The first week I was here, the halfway point seemed like it would take forever to get to and now it seems like no time has passed at all.

It's kind of a bittersweet feeling. Not only is this all going to end soon. My job, my living situation, lving in this nice town, hanging with my co-workers....everything; but it also means I have to start figureing out the post job work situation.

Just leaving here is starting to look like its going to be kind of depressing. People who are keeping score at home know that I have a knack of becoming really attached to the people I work with (well except for at the Square apparently). It no different here, I really am starting to love to death all the people I work with and really enjoy hanging out with them and would love to be able to continue to have a friendship with them.

The thing is that unlike about 90% of the people who work here, coming back to work next summer isn't a totally convinient thing for me. Yeah I could go work at another seasonal club that runs through the fall/winter/spring months that would be done next summer and come back here. But I don't want to have a life of pretty much being a hermit.

On the other hand if I were to go get a permanent (until I quit or get go) job in the food industry I'd doubt they'd be fine with me saying "oh hey, I'm leaving for 3 months to go work a seasonal job"

So in otherwords its looking like after Harbor Springs, I won't be seeing EVERYBODY on a regular basis at the same time for a while. bleh

The next thing bothering me is where the heck do I go to look for a job? I've decided that I really do want to get out of Michigan just to have a taste of the country/world. Don't get me wrong, giving the right job I'd stay in Michigan if needs be, but I really do want to get out.

The thing is that unlike last year at this time when I was asking myself this same question, I now have a girlfriend. I hate bringing this up like this because she does know (and sometimes reads) about this blog and don't want her to think I'm looking at her like a hinderance.

Last year at this time I was talking about (and was semi-serious) about looking at such places as Las Vegas, and Portland, maybe NYC or DC. And then of course Chicago or Clevland.

For a while I really did have a culinary boner (thanks Andrew from Top Chef: Chicago for coining that phrase) for Vegas and Portland, and after visiting Steve in NYC last winter, I've come to the conclusion it doesn't seem so bad. The thing would be being in an even MORE long distance relatonship with my girlfriend.

On the one hand, I don't want to say don't move far away because of the relationship and then in a decade or so look back and say "What if?" I may not be a genious, but I have made plenty of decisions based on what other people thought and/or pressured me to do and then resented the decision in the future. Upon bringing it up I've has many people say "you don't want to move far away" because of the relationship. But at the same time I've always had this urging to move far away and would feel terrible if turned down the possibility to.


On the other hand, I don't want to move far away and have the relationship suffer because of it. I would feel terrible if it did and I don't think it would be fair to either of us.

Or the possibility of a kick ass job in Michigan or Cleveland or Chicago could come up and then I won't have this problem. In which case "screw it!" haha.

So yeah thats my slightly ocd thoughts on the matter. Once again sorry to my girlfriend if she reads this. I don't want it to seem like I'm talking relationship matters "behind your back," its just how I process things somehow.

Bleh. Decisions, Decisions.

Week 1 at the Club

So for the most part life working at the club is going okay I suppose. My mind/emotions are kind of going crazy from the one-two-three punch of getting used to living in a new place and new people, getting used to a job, and being home sick. At first I kinda sat around being mopey but I've been trying to do things to keep busy.

The second day here my phone broke and that DEFINATELY didn't help things. Those few days figuring things out were hectic and stressful. Luckily things worked out. My mom got my account transfered to her old phone and then transfered the address book from my old phone on to it. And then when/if I get my blackberry fixed I can transfer it back. I tried turning it on the other day and it worked and the buttons seemed to work. But I may just have my parents take it to the Sprint store they go after they visit just to get it checked out.

Work is good. Things are kind of slow right now but thats just because its the beginning of the summer. Sometime late June/Early July things are supposed to really pick up and then things get crazy. And then towards mid-August they get slow again. I work nights with Beth (one of my friends from school who got me the job) and we do salads and cold appetizers. And then we're also responsible prepping any items needed for it. Except for the appetizer and the cold entree, our menu stays the same. (the hot side and then our appetizer and entree changes every day). So with me its just a matter of learning what goes in what salad and then working on going faster.

The people I live with are nice. For the most part everyone hangs out with everyone. I live at the big staff house called Beachview. Named for the fact that the main beach of Harbor Springs is right across the road. Its a big 3 story victorian house. The girls live on the third floor. The guys live on the second and then the first floor and basement are social areas. The downside is that everything in Harbor Springs closes pretty early so all we're doing at this point is hanging out around the house and drinking. Except for this past Wednesday I havn't drank much though. I'm sure once we get paid in 2 weeks we'll venture out more but otherwise we're trying to spend as little money as possible.

Things with Audrey are going well. Or as well as they can go considering we live 2.5-3hrs away from each other. I've been trying to call her at least once every other day. And then I'll text her or we chat on facebook. As you all can guess the first couple of days without a phone were kinda hectic.

So yeah, thats that. Nothing exciting really other than some of the partying. I seem to have a love/hate relationship with that. I mean its fun to socialize but I've also been trying not to drink too much. So yeah. Once we get paid I'm sure we'll do other stuff though